20 years

Yesterday, April 10, marked 20 years of walking with Jesus!

It is pure joy to remember the early days, even though I was only 6. I remember making the decision that I wanted to be fully Christ's - body, soul, and mind. Knowing that I could no longer rest on the faith of my parents, yet thankful for their teaching, by His grace and in faith I pledged to be a covenant keeper.

Wow...20 years!

I have to admit that I felt a moment of sadness yesterday, wishing I had "more to show" for 20 years of growth in my spiritual walk. I guess I imagined I would feel different. But the Lord in his mercy reached down in to my soul and reminded me right then that we've had an amazing 20 years! Despite great sin, sadness, tilling of the soul of my heart, and the pain of the heat peeling back the dross, there have been glorious times of worship and service to my King, moments of grace when I cannot deny His perfect leading in my life, awe-inspiring times of learning new truth, and a constant assurance of His presence with me day by day. The memories are a flood of joy!

During class last Monday, my professor was lecturing on the consequences of sin. As believers, we've been set free from the eternal consequences of sin, yet we're still living among them, and quite honestly, we often confuse ourselves and live as if they really apply to us as well. I was particularly impacted by the lecture/discussion on the believer's fight with indwelling sin. Swain said he remembers believing as a child that growing more and more like Jesus meant gaining more and more victory in perfectionism. He always imagined that sanctification had an end on earth; you know, like those little old ladies in church every Sunday no longer fight with their sinful nature. Sound familiar? Without a doubt, I believed that too! Clearly, I still wrestle with these thoughts. Where I expected to be at this point in my walk is far from the instense struggles I'm feeling today.

But....there is good news. As a consequence of the Spirit’s indwelling presence, we have been engaged in an internal battle with our sinful nature. What, when, where is triumph? Most poignant to me was this point: we measure triumph by engagement in the fight, not by evidence of total conquest.

Whew~ There is freedom in truth! I know that 1) total conquest will only come in the next life, and 2) faith is not passive; faith is actively engaged in sanctification. But it's a beautifully ironic truth that the battle raging so real inside of me does not mean that God is not keeping His promise to sanctify me, grow me, develop me into a true Christ-image. Even though I'm tempted to feel like it, I'm not losing the fight against my sinful nature. Rather, it is this very battle that evidences His work in my life, His keeping of those promises. I am triumphant through faith: fully involved in the battle against my sinful nature and fully calling upon Jesus as the only true eternal Victor.

So encouraging in the deepest part of me!

And so, I celebrate 20 years of this glorious road. I am a daughter of the Most High King. I am a co-heir with Jesus of the riches of this King. I am pursued, loved, adopted. I sit at the King's table every single day! He might be busy, but the King still delights in sitting by the waters in the coolness of the end of the day, and just...talking. The King is pleased to hear my praises and worship of Him like a fine aroma. He overwhelmingly and abundantly provides for me; He has given me all things. Yes. This is the place I've called home for 20 years.

When I'm tempted to live outside the beauty of that castle, with thoughts, feelings, and actions that are of the world outside... When the enemy within tells me that it can't really be that good, so stop living like it... I feel so encouarged to take up that fight with rejoicing. No more sadness that I'm still fighting. Lord, give me 20 more years of battle, and more! YOU have already gained the victory - I'm yours!

Happy Birthday to me! :)